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A drunk man who
smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a
priest.
The man's tie was stained, his
face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of
gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his
newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to
the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes
arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by
loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and
a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes
and lack of bath."
"Well, I'll be damned,"
the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what
he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry.
I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had
arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I
was just reading here that the Pope does".
Submitted by Marianna,
Columbia, Md.
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Kevin Guthrie's 2002 Weekly
Schedule
While we don't often send you off
to other sites for a good laugh, every once in a while someone
sends us a link too good not to pass on. From those who
visit us often, you'll recognize Kevin as our number one contributor
of Redneck, Drinking and Groaner Jokes. He wins top billing
today with this link to he's weekly schedule. http://kguthrie.tripod.com/Schedule2.html
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about work, My
Little Sister's Jokes,
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Further proof that
the human race is doomed through stupidity . . .
. . . here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods.
- On a Sears hairdryer:" Do
not use while sleeping."
- On a bag of Fritos: "You
could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside."
- On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
- On some Swanson frozen
dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
- On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
- On Marks & Spencer Bread
Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
- On packaging for a Rowenta
iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
- On Boot's Children's Cough
Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
- On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
- On most brands of Christmas
lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
- On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
- On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
- On an American Airlines packet
of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
- On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to
fly."
- On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or teath."
Submitted by Wink, Brooklyn,
NY
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When the Europeans
found this land, the Indians were running it pretty well.
Disagree, then consider this:
- There was NO Taxes
- NO Debt
- Plenty of Buffalo
- The Medicine man FREE!
- Women did all the work
- Indian men got to hunted and
fish all the time!
The Europeans were pompous enough
to think they could improve on that system.
Submitted by John, Long
Island, NY
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