Humor Additions for Wednesday, February 27

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When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Submitted by Marianna, Columbia, MD.

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What's Amore?

When the moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie
That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand
And that's not what you planned
That's a moray.

When our habits are strange
And our customs deranged
That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw
And the bales total four
That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife
She gets stabbed with a knife
That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight
Used a sword in a fight
That's Samurai.

(Author Unknown)

Submitted by Wink, The Bronx, NY.

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Rodney Dangerfield's Best One Liners
  • I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
  • I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
  • I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
  • I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
  • When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
  • I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness, after I was born.
  • I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
  • Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said,"I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
  • My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
  • I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
  • I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
  • I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
  • With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
  • Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a
  • pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.
  • One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.
  • My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.

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