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More Bumper Stickers that prove American's have a great sense of humor!
  • I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
  • I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me.
  • Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
  • I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
  • Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
  • You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
  • BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
  • I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
  • So you're a feminist ... Isn't that cute.
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
  • Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
  • I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
  • Earth first...we'll mind the other planets later.
  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  • As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
  • God must love stupid people, he made so many.
  • The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
  • I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  • It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  • Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  • I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
  • Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling too good myself.
  • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
  • Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
  • Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • CAT----- The Other White Meat
  • Beer----- The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon
  • I'm Out Of Bed And Dressed-----What More Do You Want?
  • Remember My Name------You'll Be Screaming It Later.
  • Jesus loves you. Everybody else thinks you're an ass.
  • I miss my wife, but my aim is getting better.

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.

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I have recently been diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.! Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

This is how it goes: I decide to wash the car; I start toward the garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I'm going to wash the car. But first I'm going to go through the mail. I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the advertising mail and I notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk and take the trash can out, but since I'm going to be near the mailbox anyway, I'll pay these few bills first.

Now, where is my checkbook? Oops, there's only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk. Oh, there's the coke I was drinking. I'm going to look for those checks. But first I need to put my coke further away from the computer, oh maybe I'll pop it into the fridge to keep it cold for a while.

I head towards the kitchen and my flowers catch my eye, they need some water. I set the coke on the counter and ooh oh! There are my glasses. I was looking for them all morning! I'd better put them away first. I fill a container with water and head for the flower pots - - Aaaaaagh!

Someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. We'll never think to look in the kitchen tonight when we want to watch television so I'd better put it back in the family room where it belongs.

I splash some water into the pots and onto the floor, I throw the remote onto a soft cushion on the sofa and I head back down the hall trying to figure out what it was I was going to do?

End of Day: The car isn't washed, the bills are unpaid, the coke is sitting on the kitchen counter, the flowers are half watered, the checkbook still only has one check in it and I can't seem to find my car keys! When I try to figure out how come nothing got done today,

I'm baffled because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!! I realize this is a serious condition and I'll get help, BUT FIRST I think I'll check my e-mail...

Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, Md.

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Submitted by Kevin, Dallas, Tx

Back to Feb 18 Humor Page