assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking
the historic Wailing Wall.
Everyday when she looks out,
she sees an old bearded Jewish man praying vigorously. Certain
he would be a good interview subject, the journalist goes down
to the Wall and introduces herself to the old man.
She asks, "You come every
day to the Wall, sir, how l long have you been doing that and
what are you praying for?"
The old man replies, "I
have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I
pray for world peace and for the brotherhood of man. I go home,
have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication
of illness and disease from the earth. And very, very important,
I pray for peace and understanding between the Israelis and
The journalist is very
impressed. "How does it make you feel to come here every
day for 25 years and pray for these wonderful things?" she
The old man replies calmly,
"Like I'm talking to a wall.
Submitted by Larry,
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rules to live one's life to . . .
- Never give yourself a
haircut after three margaritas.
- You need only two tools.
WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use
WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
- The five most essential
words for a healthy, vital relationship "I
apologize" and "You are right."
- Everyone seems normal until
you get to know them.
- When you make a mistake,
make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's
- The only really good advice
that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet
- If he/she says that you are
too good for him/her--believe them.
- Learn to pick your battles;
ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about
one month? One week? One day?'
- Never pass up an opportunity
- If you woke up breathing,
congratulations! You have another chance!
- Living well really is the
best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former
relationship just might mean that the other person was right
- Work is good, but it's not
- And finally... Be really
nice to your friends and family. You never know when you are
going to need them to empty your bedpan.
Submitted by Penny,
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of Humorous Sayings, My Little
The very best
... err worst, of one line groaners
- Wear short sleeves! Support
your right to bare arms!
- A good pun is its own
- Energizer Bunny arrested -
charged with battery.
- If life gives you llamas,
- Despite rumors to the
contrary, a mime is actually a very satisfying thing to
- A man's home is his castle,
in a manor of speaking.
- A pessimist's blood type is
- My wife really likes to make
pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
- Dijon vu - the same mustard
- Practice safe eating -
always use condiments.
- Did Noah keep his bees in
- I fired my masseuse today.
She just rubbed me the wrong way.
- A Freudian slip is when you
say one thing but mean your mother.
- I used to work in a blanket
factory, but it folded.
- I used to be a lumberjack,
but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
- If electricity comes from
electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?
- A hangover is the wrath of
- Corduroy pillows are making
- Is a book on voyeurism a
- Dancing cheek-to-cheek is
really a form of floor play.
- Adolescence - when a lad
forsakes his bosom buddy for a bosomed buddy.
- Banning the bra was a big
- Sea captains don't like crew
- A successful diet is the
triumph of mind over platter.
- Two banks with different
rates have a conflict of interest.
- Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
- A gossip is someone with a
great sense of rumor.
- She criticized my apartment,
so I knocked her flat.
- Without geometry, life is
- Dreaming in color is no big
deal. It's just a pigment of your imagination.
- Condoms should be used on
every conceivable occasion.
- Reading whilst sunbathing
makes you well-red.
- When two egotists meet, it's
an I for an I.
Submitted by Dave, Bolder,
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