Humor Additions for Friday, December 6

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Dog Letters to God ...
  • Dear God ... Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?
  • Dear God ... When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
  • Dear God ... Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray &the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?
  • Dear God ... If a dog barks his head off in the forest, & no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
  • Dear God ... If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?
  • Dear God ... More meatballs & less spaghetti, please?
  • Dear God ... When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
  • Dear God ... Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon &stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the schnauzer across the street!
  • Dear God ... Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
  • Dear God ... We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields & Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Submitted by Patty, Ringoes, NJ.

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One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way ...

... and no longer needed God. They picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."

God listened patiently and kindly to the man and after the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man making contest."

To which the man replied, "OK, great!"

But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."

The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!"

Submitted by Debbie, Walkersville, Md.

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Out of the mouth of babes comes the cutest sayings ...

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather. .and unto the Sonnn .......and into the hole he gooooes."

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

"Mama, look what I found", the boy called out.

"What have you got there, dear?"

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear.

Submitted by Jamie, Crofton, Md.

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It's house trimming time at Sue Salah's home in Royal Oak, Mich., ...

... and the neighbors are dialing 911.  Salah eventually took down her little Christmas joke after police complained about all the "injury" call they were getting ...

Dec 4 Humor Page