Red Skelton's Tips for a
- Two times a week, we go to a nice
restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and
companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I
- go on Fridays.
- We also sleep in separate beds. Hers
is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.
- I take my wife everywhere, but
she keeps finding her way back.
- I asked my wife where she wanted to
go for our anniversary.
- "Somewhere I haven't been in a long
time!" she said so I suggested the kitchen.
- We always hold hands. If I let go,
- She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too
many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an
- My wife told me the car wasn't
running well because there was water in the carburetor. I
asked where the car was, she told me "In the Lake."
- She got a mudpack and looked great
for two days. Then the mud fell off.
- She said, " Too late for the
garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"
- Remember. Marriage is the
number one cause of divorce.
- Statistically, 100% of all divorces
start with marriage.
- I married Miss Right. I just
didn't know her first name was Always.
- I haven't spoken to my wife in 18
months. I don't like to interrupt her.
- The last fight was my fault. My wife
asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!
Submitted by John, Emmitsburg, Md.
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Jokes About Marriage, My Little
There was a U.S. Marine
deployed in Afghanistan ...
While he was there he received a letter
from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had
been dating two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to
break up AND she wants pictures of herself back.
So the Marine does what any squared away
Devil Dog would do. He went around to his buddies and collected
all the unwanted photos of women he could find.
He then mailed about 25 pictures to his
girlfriend with the following note:
"I'm sorry but I can't remember which
one you are but please take the one that belongs to you and send
the rest back.
Bill, Narberth Pa.
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Special thanks to our friends
at our old favorite - Mad Magazine!
Dec 2 Humor Page