Continuing the current
trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions ..
... It was announced today at a press
conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge.
An industry source said that the deal
had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise
of the Muslim Empire.
While details were not available at
press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having
twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming
prohibitive for both sides.
By combining forces, we're told, the
world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service
during the Fifteen Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords
a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of
the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the Dreydl,
currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming
unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great
miracle happened there," the message on the Dreydl will be the
more generic "Miraculous stuff happens."
In exchange, it is believed that Jews
will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising
resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one of
the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three
hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could
leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat
for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were
finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about
A spokesman for Christmas, Inc.,
declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in
the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for
the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between
Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair
cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned,
he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance.
He then closed the press conference by
leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye
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One beautiful December
evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the
side of the ocean.
was a romantic full moon when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, let's
"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon"
said Jung Lee.
"C'mon Baby, let's you and me play
Weeweechu. I love you and its the perfect time," Huan Cho
"But I rather just hold your hand and
watch the moon."
"Please Jung Lee, just once, play
Weeweechu with me."
Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said,
"OK, we'll play Weeweechu."
Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they
"Weeweechu a merry Christmas, Weeweechu
a merry Christmas, Weeweechu a merry Christmas, and a happy New
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.
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Why God invented menopause
With all the new technology regarding
fertility, a 65 year-old woman gave birth to a baby. When she
was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives
came to visit.
"May we see the new baby?" one asked.
"Not yet," said the 65 year-old mother.
Soon, 10 minutes had passed and another
relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"Not yet," said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"
"No," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked,
"Well, when CAN we see the baby?"
"When it cries," she told them.
Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co.
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