Humor Additions for Wednesday, December 18

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A Firefighter Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the station,
All was quiet except for our snoring Dalmatian.
Our boots had been placed by the bunksides with care,
In hopes that the shift change would finally be here.
The lights were turned down and the TV was off,
The rigs had been washed and the floors had been mopped.
Firemen and Medics lie nestled in bed,
While visions of homelife danced through their heads.

When out of the darkness, arose ringing and light,
The Plectron brought tidings of something not right.
The Firemen and Medics were dressed in an instant,
Aboard their trucks and racing into the distance.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Reflected the lights in a hellish, red glow.
The sirens, they wailed while the federal screamed,
Moving too slowly, as if in a dream.
The wreckage was there and came slowly in sight,
Lending fear, pain, and loss to our silent night.
Each of us thought of our own Wife, Daughter or Son,
Each prayed in silence, "Let me save at least one."

We leaped to the task without further a thought,
And for more than two hours we worked and we fought
To free the two drivers who hadn't been thinking,
Their driving would suffer after a full night of drinking.
The smoke of the flares, and the stench of the blood,
The screaming of metal as we rolled back the hood.
The cry of one driver, the whine of the Jaws,
Putting fear aside, we never gave pause.

With one driver out, and the other pronounced dead,
We focused our efforts on keeping our heads.
C-spine and backboard and IV in place,
We loaded him up and we started the race.
The monitor showed a heart rate too slow,
BP revealed a systolic too low.

Level of consciousness rapidly dying,
Despite all of this the Medics kept trying.
Atropine, Dopamine, Epi and more,
To keep our reason for being from opening death's door.
We fought and we prayed and tried all that was known,
While trying to believe fault wasn't our own.

The sun, she was rising as we reached the ER,
We'd given all that we know, and all that we are.
The Doctors pronounced with barely more than a glance,
And gone in a blink, was the patient's last chance.

The ride back to the station was quiet and then,
Despite what we'd been through, the singing began.
At first it was one and then all followed suit,
This effort together was merely the fruit.
Of a labor that however needlessly beared,
Was one of a million we knew we had shared.

As we sang out the words of the song "Silent Night",
We acknowledged to ourselves that we put up a good fight.
The punch of the clock, the start of a car,
We all realized and loved who we are.
And on Christmas morning as we all drive away,
We know we'll all try in a couple of days.
To give someone back their one chance to live,
No matter how hard or how much we must give.

So please, when you pray on this new Christmas morn,
Add something for us, and for all that we've borne.

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa. 

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More Insights One Gains as They Go Through Life ...
  • Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
  • Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  • Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
  • Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.
  • According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
  • Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
  • All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  • Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
  • In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
  • Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  • You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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College Football Humor ...
  • What does the average Florida State player get on his SATs? Drool.
  • What do you get when you put 8 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? A full set of teeth.
  • How do you get a Nebraska cheerleader into your dorm room? Grease her hips and push.
  • How do you get a Colorado graduate off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.
  • Why do the Texas Tech cheerleaders wear bibs? To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.
  • Why is the Baylor football team like a possum? Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
  • What are the longest three years of an Oklahoma football player's life? His freshman year.
  • How many Ole Miss freshmen does it take to change a light bulb? None ....That's a sophomore course.
  • Where was OJ headed in the white Bronco? Lexington, Kentucky. He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.
  • Why did Texas choose orange as their team color? You can wear it for the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

Submitted by Bo, Emmitsburg, Md.

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How to save money on Christmas Presents ...


Dec 13th Humor Page