Humor Additions for Monday, August 5

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A redneck woman went to the school to register her boys.

The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"

"Ten," she replied.

"And what are their names?" he asked.

"Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, and Bob."

"They're ALL named Bob?" he asked. "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"

"Oh, that's easy," she explained, "I just call 'Bob,' and they all come running inside."

"And if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"

"I just say, 'Bob, come eat your dinner,' and they do." She answered.

"But what if you want just ONE of them to do something?" he asked.

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name."

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp.

The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."

"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"

"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.

"Hm. Well, where do you catch'em?"

"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."

"Same here. Hm. How do you catch'em?"

"Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite'em, shake the be’jesus out of 'em, and eat'em!"

"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the be’jesus out of a lawyer, there's nothing' left but lips and a briefcase..."

Submitted by Dave, Emmitsburg, Md.

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On the first day of creation, God created the Horse.

On the second day, God created man to serve the Horse.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to spook the Horse when man was on his back.

On the fourth day, God created an honest day's work so that man could labor to pay for the keeping of the Horse.

On the fifth day, God created the grasses in the field so that Horse could eat and man could toil and clean up after the Horse.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the Horse healthy and man broke.

On the seventh day, God rested and said "This is good. This will teach man humility. It will tire him out and keep him striving ever forward to meet the needs of the Horse."

Submitted by Layla, Frederick, Md.

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