Humor Additions for Wednesday, April 17


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Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test which will take two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

  • They moused.
  • They did spreadsheets.
  • They wrote reports.
  • They sent faxes.
  • They sent e-mail.
  • They sent out e-mail with attachments.
  • They downloaded.
  • They did some genealogy reports.
  • They made cards.
  • They did every known job.

But, ten minutes before the time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured, and, of course, the electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed in every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically screaming, "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became even more irate.

"Wait! He cheated! How did he do it??!!"

God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves"

Submitted by Sister Wink, The Bronx, NY
 

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A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like.

"We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in.

At last she said, "Mom, I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"


My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"

I mentally polished my halo as I asked, "No, how are we alike?"

"You're both old," he replied.


A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.

"What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."


I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and she was always correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think it's time for you to try to figure out some of these yourself!"


Our five-year-old son, Mark, couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed.

In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark to ask, "What caused the submarine to sink?"

With a look of incredulity, Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!"


When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."


When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure."

"Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four."


A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl.

"You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
 

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For all you parents out there! Repeat after me:

I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........
I will never complain about MY kids again ..........

 


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