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The wise old Mother
Superior was dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed,
trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to
drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the
kitchen. Remembering a bottle of whiskey received as a gift the
previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount
into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips.
Mother drank a little, then a little more, then before they knew
it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother, Mother" the
nuns cried, "Give us some wisdom before you die!" She
raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and
pointing out the window, she said, "Don't sell that cow!
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Three old sisters --
92, 94, and 96 years old, respectively all lived together.
One day the oldest drew a bath.
She put one foot in the water, paused, and then called downstairs
to her sisters, "Am I getting in the tub or out of the
tub?"
The middle sister started up the
stairs to help, and then paused and called back down stairs,
"Was I going up or coming down?"
The youngest sister, who was
sitting at the kitchen table having tea, said, "I guess I'll
have to help. I hope I never get that forgetful!" and knocked
on wood.
She got up then, paused, and
called, "I'll come up as soon as I see who's at the
door!"
Submitted by Marianne,
Columbia, Md.
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More Church
Bulletin Bloopers (part 2)
- Scouts are saving aluminum
cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will
be used to cripple children.
- For those of you who have
children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- Please place your donation in
the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want
remembered.
- Attend and you will hear an
excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
- The church will host an
evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious
hostility.
- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00
pm --prayer and medication to follow.
- The ladies of the Church have
cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the
basement on Friday afternoon.
- Low Self Esteem Support Group
will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
- The eighth graders will be
presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday
at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7
PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double
door at the side entrance.
- The Associate Minister
unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
- Our next song is "Angels
We Have Heard Get High."
Submitted by Neil, Kennett,
Square, Pa.
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A couple of Texas
hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his
head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He
gasps to the operator, My friend is dead! What can I do?
The operator, in a calm soothing
voice says, Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure
he's dead. There is a silence, then a shot is heard.....
The hunter says, OK, now what?
Submitted by Kevin, Dallas, Tx.
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