The Story Behind the
Jack-O'-Lantern to America.
Jack was a legendary, stingy
drunkard. He tricked the Devil into climbing an apple tree for a
juicy apple and then quickly cut the sign of the cross into the
tree trunk, preventing
the Devil from coming down. Jack
made the Devil swear that he wouldn't come after his soul in any
way. The Devil promised. However, this did not prevent Jack from
When he arrived at the gates of
heaven, he was turned away because he was a stingy, mean drunk.
Desperate for a resting place, he went to the Devil. The Devil,
true to his word, turned him away.
"But where can I go?"
pleaded Jack. "Back where you come from," spoke the
The night was dark and the way
was long, and the Devil tossed him a lighted coal from the fire of
Hell. Jack, who was eating a turnip at the time, placed the coal
inside and used it to light his way. Since that day, he has
traveled the world over with his Jack-O'-Lantern in search of a
place to rest.
Irish children carved out turnips
and potatoes to light the night on Halloween. When the Irish came
to America in great numbers in the 1840s, they found that a
pumpkin made an even better lantern, and so this
"American" tradition came to be.
Submitted by Wink, The Bronx,
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of Interesting Facts, My Little
Recently I purchased
and installed Horse 1.0.
I soon noticed that this
program appears to have numerous glitches. For instance, every
time my computer boots up, I have to run Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1.
Many times I've been in the middle of writing an important
document, and a window will flash telling me to run Clean Stall
2.0. This program also contained applications I did not wish to
install, such as Manure 8.5, however they auto-installed with
Applications such as Vacation 2.7
and Free Time 10.1 can no longer run, crashing whenever selected.
Possibly the worst is that Horse 1.0 has attached itself to
programs like Finance Manager and MS Money, with folders added
such as "Monthly Shoeing" and "Winter
Blanket". Periodically, I'll get a reminder telling me to
send a check to the manufacturer of Horse 1.0 for the
I have tried to uninstall Horse
1.0 numerous times, but when I try to run the uninstall program, I
get warning messages telling me that a deadly virus known as
"Withdrawal" will infect my system. Please Help!!!!!
Your complaint is not unusual. A
common misconception among users is that Horse 1.0 is a mere
"utilities and entertainment program." It is not - it is
an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its' creator to run
A warning will soon be imprinted
on the box. Since you have already installed Horse 1.0, here are a
few tips on how to make it run better. If you are annoyed by the
applications Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1, you may run C: \HIRE HELP,
however this will cause another folder to be added to financial
applications, labeled "Staff". Failure to send payment
to "Staff" will result in Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1 being
run again on startup.
A note of caution: NOT booting up
your computer for several days isn't the solution to avoiding Feed
5.3 and Water 7.1. You will find that, when you boot up your
computer again, a nasty virus called "Colic 4.2" will
have attached itself to important documents and the only way to
rid your computer of Colic 4.2 is by purchasing and installing
"Vet 10.1", which we admit is extremely expensive, but
crucial. Otherwise, Colic 4.2 will cause irreversible damage to
the operating system. Finally, it is important that you run
C:\Carrots and C:\Scratch Ears on a fairly regular basis to keep
the application running smoothly. If you have any more questions,
please call our toll free number.
Submitted by Emily,
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The German air
controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short tempered lot.
They not only expect pilots to
know their gate parking location but how to get there without any
assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a
PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt
ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign Speedbird 206)
Speedbird 206: "Top of the
morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten morgen! You
vill taxi to your gate!" The big British Airways 747 pulled
onto the main taxi way and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you
not know vare you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a
moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with some arrogant
impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flow to Frankfurt
Speedbird 206 (cooly): "Yes,
I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to drop
something off, I didn't stop."
I was a Pan Am 727 Flight
Engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich, Germany. I was
listening to the radio since I was the junior crew member. This
was the conversation I overheard:
Lufthansa: (In German)
"Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground: (In English) "If you
want an answer you must speak English."
Luft: (In English) "I am a
German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak
Before ground could answer
someone replied in a beautiful British accent: "Because you
lost the bloody war!"
by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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