The first little pig walked into a bar. 'Give me five beers.' When he was done he asked, 'Where's the bathroom?' '

Down the hall and to the left,' replied the bartender.

The second little pig walked into the bar and asked, 'How many beers did my brother have?'

'Five.'

'Then I'll have ten.'

When he was done he asked, 'Where's the bathroom?'

'Down the hall and to the left,' replied the bartender.

The third little pig walked into the bar and asked, 'How many beers did my brother have?'

'Ten.'

'Then I'll have Fifteen.'

When he was done he started eating the peanuts on the bar. The bartender asked, 'Aren't you going to ask where the bathroom is?'

'No,' said the little pig. 'I'm the little pig that goes wee wee wee wee all the way home.'

• The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. --Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
• Beauty is only a light switch away. --Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.
• I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards. --Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.
• Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" --Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.
• God made pot. Man made beer. Whom do you trust? -- The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.
• No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap --Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
• At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry. --Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona.
• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. --Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona.
• Make love, not war.--Hell, do both, get married! -- Women's restroom, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana.
• God is dead. -Nietzsche; Nietzsche is dead. -God --The Tombs Restaurant. Washington, D.C.
• If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. --Revolution Books. New York, New York.
• A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. --Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.

Good Things About Husbands:

• Husbands are less expensive to shoe.
• Feeding a husband doesn't require anything that even mildly compares with the hassle of putting up hay.
• A lame husband can still work.
• A husband with a belly-ache doesn't have to be walked.
• Husbands don't try to scratch their heads on your back.
• They're better able to understand puns.
• If they're playing hard to catch you *may* be able to run them down on foot.
• They know their name.
• They pay their own bills.
• They apologize when they step on your toes.
• They seldom refuse to get in the vehicle.
• They don't panic, yelling and running all through the house when you leave them alone. (unless you left the kids too)
• For a nominal fee you can hire someone else to clip them.

The Horse's Advantage:

• If they don't work out you can sell them.
• They don't come with in-laws.
• You don't have to worry about your children looking like them.
• You never have to iron their saddle pads.
• If you get too fat for one you can shop for a bigger one.
• They smell good when they sweat.
• You can repair their "clothes" with duct tape.
• It's possible to keep them from "jumping the fence".
• You can force them to stay in good physical condition...with a whip if necessary.
• They don't want their turn at the computer.
• They turn white with age, but not bald.
• They learn to accept restraint.
• They don't care what you look like, as long as you have a carrot.