On a famous TV
game show A BLONDE contestant needed only to answer one more
One simple question stood between
her and ONE MILLION DOLLARS! "To be today's champion,"
the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's
The contestant, gave a sigh of
relief, gratified that she had drawn such an easy question.
"Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and,
The studio audience started to
applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the
clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host
replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please
"You know," the
woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing,
"Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if
you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other
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I married Miss
Right ... I just didn't know her first name was Always.
- I haven't spoken to my wife
for 18 months...I don't like to interrupt her.
- Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
- The last fight was my fault.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said,
- In the beginning, God created
earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God
created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
- Why do men die before their
wives? They want to.
- What is the difference between
a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
- A beggar walked up to a well
dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't
eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said,
"God, I wish I had your will power."
- Do you know the punishment for
bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
- Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I
heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife
until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
- A man inserted an 'ad' in the
classified: "Wife Wanted". The next day he received
a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
- The most effective way to
remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
- First guy (proudly): "My
wife's an angel!" Second guy "You're lucky, mine's
- How do most men define
marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
- Just think, if it weren't for
marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no
faults at all.
- If you want your wife to
listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk
in your sleep.
- Then there was a man who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got
married; and then it was too late."
- A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? " And
the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
Submitted by Kevin, Dallas, Tx.
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Three blond guys
are stranded on one side of a wide river and don't know how to get
The first blond guy prays to God
to make him smart enough to think of a way to cross the river. God
turns him into a brown haired man, and he swam across.
The second blonde guy prays to
God to make him even smarter, so he can think of a better way to
cross the river. God turns him into a red-haired man and he builds
a boat and rows across.
The third blonde guy prays to God
to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and
he walks across the bridge.
Submitted by Wink, Brooklyn,
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