professor and his chauffeur were talking one day on the way to the
next speaking engagement . . .
. . . and the driver said,
"I've sat in the back and listened to your presentation so
many times that I can give it just as well as you can."
The professor said "I'll bet
you can't. Just to prove it, we'll trade clothes in the hotel, and
I'll sit in the back."
The chauffeur delivered the
lecture flawlessly, and the audience applauded him roundly. Then a
pompous professor from the local university, wishing to impress
his colleagues in the audience, stood and asked a very specific
question concerning the driver's presentation.
The driver said, "I am
amazed that you would ask such a silly question. The answer is so
obvious that I am going to ask my chauffeur, who is sitting in the
back, to answer your ridiculous question."
Submitted by Patty, Leasburg,
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"Lessons I have Learned form Life"
- That the best classroom in the
world is at the feet of an elderly person.
- That when you're in love, it
- That just one person saying to
me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.
- That having a child fall
asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in
- That being kind is more
important than being right.
- That you should never say no
to a gift from a child.
- That I can always pray for
someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some
- That no matter how serious
your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act
- That sometimes all a person
needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
- That simple walks with my
father around the block on summer nights when I was a child
did wonders for me as an adult.
- That life is like a roll of
toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it
- That we should be glad God
doesn't give us everything we ask for.
- That money doesn't buy class.
- That it's those small daily
happenings that make life so spectacular.
- That under everyone's hard
shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
- That the Lord didn't do it all
in one day. What makes me think I can?
- That to ignore the facts does
not change the facts.
- That when you plan to get even
with someone, you are only letting that person continue to
- That love, not time, heals all
- That the easiest way for me to
grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter
than I am.
- That everyone you meet
deserves to be greeted with a smile.
- That there's nothing sweeter
than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on
- That no one is perfect until
you fall in love with them.
- That life is tough, but I'm
- That opportunities are never
lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
- That when you harbor
bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
- That I wish I could have told
my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.
- That one should keep his words
both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat
- That a smile is an inexpensive
way to improve your looks.
- That I can't choose how I
feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
- That when your newly born
grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that
you're hooked for life.
- That everyone wants to live on
top of the mountain, but all then happiness and growth occurs
while you're climbing it.
- That it is best to give advice
in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is
a life threatening situation.
- That the less time I have to
work with, the more things I get done.
Submitted by Vicki, Kennet
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of Inspirational Jokes, My Little
lines from kids too young to appreciate them . . .
When I was six months pregnant
with my third child, my 3-year-old came into the room when I was
just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy,
you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey,
remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied,
"but what is growing in your butt?"
Finding one of her students
making faces at others on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped to
gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the
teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if
I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like
Bobby looked up and replied,
"Well, Mrs. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Submitted by Kat, Smithsburg,
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Sayings, My Little
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