A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and
they have the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have
one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle? Driver:
It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to
think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I
was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's
where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car
and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car
was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the
driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this? Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if
there's a gun in it? Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said
there's a body in it. Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said
you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in
the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Yeah, I'll bet the lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding, too!
Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, Md.
Return to: Top
of Page, List of
Un-Categorizable Jokes, My Little Sister's Jokes,
I AM a horse-aholic.
I would like to welcome all of you to this month's online meeting of
You may be sitting there thinking
that you are OK, and don't really need any help. It is not easy to
realize that you are a horse-aholic, and even harder to bring
yourself to a HA meeting for help. HA is here to assist you. I have
some questions to ask to try to determine if you can be helped.
- Can you say 'sheath' in public
- Do you know exactly what
'snaffle' means? (No, it is not a drink!)
- Do you drive a truck with some
type of towing package and/or dual rear wheel when everyone else
you know drives a real car?
- Do you have more than one type
of trailer because you own horses?
- Do you spend your holidays going
to shows, sales, clinics, and seminars when everyone else goes
- Do you discuss things at the
dinner table that would make a doctor leave in disgust?
- Do you consider formal wear
clean jeans and freshly scraped boots?
- Does the inside of your home
look like your interior decorator is 'State Line Tack'?
- Do you often have barn boots on
your front porch?
- Is your mail made up primarily
of breed magazines and horse catalogs?
- Do your shirt pockets often
contain bits of feed, hay, and empty syringe covers?
- Do you worry about paying your
monthly feed bill before you think of paying your electric bill?
- When you meet a person, do you
ask how many horses they have, and pity them if the answer is
- Do you remember the name of a
great-great-great grand sire when you can't remember your own
Great grandfather's name?
- Is your primary dream in life to
breed the perfect foal?
- Do you find non-horse people
- Is 99% of your e-mail about
- Do you have a collection of bits
even larger than your collection of horses?
- Does you halter collection
include more than four foal halters, all the same size?
- Do you know more than five
people this list fits exactly?
If you answered YES to three of
these questions, you are in pretty good shape. You will lead a long,
dull life, and never call your mother and tell her "I'm in the
hospital, but everything is fine! The horse is OK."
If you answered YES to 10, you are
in serious trouble. Give in gracefully, and become a member of
Horse-Aholics Anonymous now... You will qualify eventually anyway.
If you answered YES to 15 or more,
you are incurable.
My advice to those who, like me,
are incurable is as follows.....
Sit back, smile, read your email,
and know that your life will always be filled with good friends and
better horses, and it will never be dull.
Submitted by Penny,
Somewhere in Maryland
Return to: Top
of Page, List of Horse Jokes,
When a man
volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put
- The woman goes to the store.
- The woman fixes the salad,
vegetables, and dessert.
- The woman prepares the meat for
cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking
utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the
grill, drinking a beer.
- The man places the meat on the
- The woman goes inside to set the
table and check the vegetables.
- The woman comes out to tell the
man that the meat is burning.
- The man takes the meat off the
grill and hands it to the woman.
- The woman prepares the plates
and brings them to the table.
- After eating, the woman clears
the table and does the dishes.
- The man asks the woman how she
enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed
reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
Submitted by Marion, Haverford,
Return to: Top
of Page, List of Jokes About Men, My Little
to June 8 Humor Page