Humor Additions for Monday, July 2nd, 2001

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God greets Mother Teresa at the Pearly Gates. "Thou be hungry, Mother Teresa?" saith God.

"I could eat," Mother Teresa replies. So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread and they share it.

While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries and fine wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, Mother Teresa remains quiet.

The next day God again invites Mother Teresa to join him for a meal. Again, it is tuna and rye bread. Once again looking down, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles and chocolates. Still Mother Teresa says nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrives and another can of tuna is opened. Mother Teresa can contain herself no longer.

Meekly, she says: "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! Forgive me, O God, but I just don't understand..."

God sighs. "Let's be honest, Mother Teresa," he says. "For just two people, does it pay to cook?

Submitted by Wink, Brookline, NY

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Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. 

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!"

One of the blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

Submitted by Marion, Haverford, Pa.

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Did you know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week?

Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. And each day has a different color twist tie. They are:

  • Monday - Blue
  • Tuesday - Green
  • Thursday - Red
  • Friday - White
  • Saturday - Yellow

I thought this was interesting. I looked in the grocery store and the bread wrappers do have different colored twist ties, and even the ones with the plastic clips have different colors. You learn something new everyday!!

So today being Thursday, I wanted a red twist tie -- not white which is Friday (almost a week old)?

The colors go alphabetically Blue - Green - Red - White-Yellow, Monday thru Saturday. Very easy to remember. But I put a post-it note in my wallet when I first found out about this so I would not forget. Enjoy fresh bread with the right color on the day you are shopping.

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, PA.

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