Humor Additions for Wednesday, December 12, 2001

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Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come together as a group and I love that. 

Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no I in team" as well as the one that says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening.

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we're taping. Thanks.

Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.

Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.

Love you lots. Osama

Submitted by Vicki, Kennet Square, Pa.

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Travel Agent's Worst Nightmares . . .
  • I had someone ask for an aisle seat on the plane so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
  • A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
  • I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make HER look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response; . . . click.
  • A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
  • I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Submitted by Larry

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Signs You've Grown Up
  1. Your potted plants are alive. And you can't smoke a single one of them.
  2. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
  3. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
  4. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
  5. You carry an umbrella. (You watch the Weather Channel.)
  6. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hookup" and "breakup".
  7. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
  8. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up.'
  9. You're the one calling the police because your neighbor next door plays
  10. the stereo to loud.
  11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
  12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes any more.
  13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
  14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
  15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
  16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
  17. Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
  18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
  19. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff.'
  20. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
  21. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces "I'm never going to
  22. drink that much again."
  23. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
  24. You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
  25. You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn't apply to You

Submitted by Neil, Kennet Square, Pa.

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