Humor Additions for Monday, August 13th, 2001

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A new priest is nervous about hearing confessions . . .

. . ., so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see,' 'yes,' 'go on,' 'I understand,' and 'how did you feel about that?'"

The new priest says those things, trying them out.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'Hot Dang! So What happened next?'"

Submitted by Marianna, Columbia, Md.

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"Geezers" are easy to spot; this is slang for an old man. 

But at sporting events, during the playing of the National Anthem, they hold their caps over their hearts and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.

They remember World War I, the Depression, World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing, not to mention Vietnam.

If you bump into a "Geezer" on the sidewalk, he'll apologize, pass one on a street and he'll nod, or tip his hat to a lady.

  • "Geezers" trust strangers and are courtly to women. They hold the door for the next person and always when walking, make sure the lady is on the inside for protection.
  • "Geezers" get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like violence and filth on TV and in movies.
  • Geezers have moral courage.
  • Geezers seldom brag unless its about the grandchildren in Little League or music recitals.

This country needs "Geezers" with their decent values and common sense. We need them now more than ever. It's the "Geezers: who know our great country is protected, not by

politicians or police, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country in foreign lands, just as they did, without a thought except to do a good job, the best you can and to get home to loved ones.


Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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Once upon a time there were three little pigs. 

The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig. One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did !!!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick pig let the straw pig in. Just then the wolf showed up and said, " I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!!!

So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down."

So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.

A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up. Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living @$*%# out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun ,stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the wolf.

Then they got back into their limo and drove off. The straw pig and stick pig were amazed !!! "

Who the hell were those guys?" they asked.

"Those were my cousins from Jersey......the Guinea Pigs.

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Oh Damn! He's even dumber then they said . . .

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