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You Know You're from Pennsylvania When ...
  • The first day of Buck season and the first day of Doe season are school holidays.
  • You own only three spices "salt, pepper and Heinz ketchup".
  • Driving is always better in winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
  • Words like "hoagie", "crick", "chipped ham", and "pop" actually mean something to you.
  • You can use the phrase "fire hall wedding reception" and not even bat an eye.
  • You constantly refer to Pennsylvania as "PA" (pronounced Pee-ay). How many other states do that?
  • You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Paradise, Mars, and Slippery Rock are PA towns.
  • Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
  • You measure distance in hours.
  • You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
  • You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
  • You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend or wife knows how to use them.
  • You can actually eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know others who do the same. (Those from NY find this "barbaric".)
  • You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know that it comes in several colors: Red, White, Brown, Gold.
  • At least 5 people on your block have electric "candles" in all or most of their windows all year long.
  • You know what a "State Store" is, and your out of state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.
  • You know several places to purchase or that serve Scrapple, Summer Sausage (Lebanon Bologna), and Hot Bacon Dressing.
  • You can't go to a Pennsylvania wedding without hearing the "Chicken Dance" and at least 5 Polkas.
  • You live for summer, when street fairs signal the beginning of funnel cake season.
  • You ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast.
  • Your turkey has "filling," not "stuffing," and most certainly, NOT "dressing."

Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa.

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You Know You Live in Colorado When...

  • You switch from "Heat" to A/C in one day, but also need an umbrella.
  • You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" means.
  • Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from the mountains.
  • You're a meat eating vegetarian.
  • The bike on you car is worth more than your car.
  • You use a down comforter in the summer cause you have the A/c set at 55 degrees.
  • You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without even flinching.
  • You take your out-of-town guests to Casa Bonita even though you would never go there otherwise.
  • You install security lights on your house and garage but leave all the doors unlocked.
  • You think the major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat Tire Beer.
  • You carry jumper cables in the truck and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
  • You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  • Driving is better in the winter cause the potholes are filled with snow.
  • You think that sexy lingerie are tube sox and flannel PJs.
  • You know all 4 seasons "almost winter, winter, still winter and construction.
  • You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate the team's victory.
  • You think the Governor is John Elway.
  • Your idea of a traffic jam is more that 10 pedestrians on the bike path.
  • You carry skis on your car, "just in case."
  • You can never figure out why your out of town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.
  • You actually understand these jokes and send them to your friends.

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.

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You know you're on the ....

West Coast when:

  • You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
  • The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
  • The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
  • You know how to eat an artichoke.
  • You drive to your neighborhood block party.

You're in New York when:

  • You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
  • You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
  • You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
  • Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
  • You think Central Park is "nature."
  • You believe that being able to tell people off in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
  • You've ever worn out a car horn.
  • You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You're in Alaska when:

  • You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
  • Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
  • You have more than one recipe for moose.
  • Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
  • The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

You're in the South when:

  • You get a movie and bait in the same store.
  • "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
  • After a year you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
  • "He needed killin'"is a valid defense.

You're in Colorado when:

  • You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
  • You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care.
  • A pass does not involve a football or dating.
  • The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
  • Your bridal registry is at REI.

You're in the Midwest when:

  • You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
  • Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
  • You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
  • You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
  • "If you go to the mall, I wanna go with."
  • When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different."

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You KNOW you're in California when:
  • Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible.
  • You make over $250,000 and still can't afford a house.
  • You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.
  • Your child's 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
  • You can't pot illegal?
  • You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
  • You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.
  • You also know which Brentwood restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
  • A really great parking space can move you to tears.
  • A low speed pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.
  • Gas cost 75 cents per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
  • A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice.
  • A woman gets on the bus with live poultry. You don't even notice.
  • Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney actually IS George Clooney.
  • Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
  • The gym is packed at 3 PM.... On a work day.
  • Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into BDSM, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
  • It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH 99," You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class.
  • Your paperboy has a two-picture deal.
  • You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.
  • You AND your dog have therapists.

Submitted by Kate, San Francisco, Calif.

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You are 100% Texan if....
  • It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.
  • You use the phrase "fixin' to" almost daily.
  • Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
  • You've ever been excused from school because "the cows got out."
  • You can properly pronounce the town Mexia, Waxahachie, and Mesquite.
  • You can remember the name of the last state legislator to introduce a bill involving castration and he didn't mean farm animals.
  • You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them anyway.
  • You can recall hot summers by the year they happened easier than you can remember your mother's birthday.
  • You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.
  • You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.
  • You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.
  • A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other one go first.
  • When you hear a tornado siren, you go out and look for a funnel.
  • Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.
  • You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.
  • A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is.
  • You know that everything goes better with Ranch.
  • You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
  • You know that "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

Submitted by Kevin, Dallas, Tx.

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You Might Be a Yankee If . . .
  • The sound of Fran Drescher's voice doesn't bother you.
  • You've watched the movie "Deliverance" and you're afraid to go on a camping trip. Ever.
  • For breakfast you'd rather have potatoes than grits.
  • You can name at least 4 hockey teams.
  • You've never eaten Okra.
  • You wonder why people in restaurants don't talk  as loud as you do.
  • You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun & knife show.
  • You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
  • You've never had grain alcohol.
  • You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse.
  • You have no idea what a polecat is.
  • You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
  • You've never had bangs .(ed. note - OR if you do have them, they aren't several inches ABOVE the top of your head)
  • You'd rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
  • You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
  • You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
  • You refer to two or more people as "you guys" instead of "y'all".
  • You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
  • You prefer a bagel over a donut.
  • You don't know anyone who goes by both their first and middle names.
  • You get freaked out when strangers in public talk to you.
  • You don't know what a Piggly-Wiggly is.
  • You think NASCAR stands for the North American Society for...(something)
  • You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
  • You use the horn in your car more than once or twice a year.
  • Everything you know about the Civil War you learned watching TV.
  • You don't "reckon."
  • You're not "fixin" to do anything.

Submitted by Susan, Hanover, Pa.

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You know you're from the sticks if:
  • You've never met any celebrities. 
  • Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. 
  • "Vacation" means going to the family reunion. 
  • You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
  • You measure distance in minutes.
  • You know several people who have hit a deer.
  • Your school classes were canceled because of bomb threats.
  • Your school classes were canceled because of heat. (but not the cold)
  • You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
  • You've ever had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
  • You think Ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
  • You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
  • Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
  • You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
  • You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
  • You use "fix" as an adverb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
  • All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, plant, or animal.
  • You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
  • You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
  • You carry jumper cables in your car.
  • You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is.
  • You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
  • You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
  • You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
  • The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
  • You think that deer season is a national holiday.
  • You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
  • You know that going "barefootin" is one of the great joys of life.
  • You find 80 degrees Fahrenheit "a little chilly."
  • You know all 4 seasons: Halloween, Christmas, Easter, and Summer Vacation!!
  • You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your friends.

Submitted by Bruce, Emmitsburg, Md.

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Driving habits across America
  • One hand on wheel, one hand on horn CHICAGO
  • One hand on wheel, one finger out window NEW YORK
  • One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic NEW JERSEY
  • One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator BOSTON
  • One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, gun in lap LOS ANGELES
  • Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror OHIO, but driving in CALIFORNIA
  • One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic SEATTLE
  • One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window TEXAS
  • Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna ALABAMA
  • Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on FLORIDA

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You know you're from Upstate NY when . . .
  • You only have 3 spices-salt, pepper and ketchup
  • You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  • Mosquitoes have landing lights
  • You have more miles on your snowblower than your car
  • You have 10 favorite recipes for venison
  • True Value Hardware is busier on any given Saturday than a toy store at Christmas
  • You live in a house with no front steps and the front door is 3
    feet above the ground
  • You have been trick or treating in a blizzard
  • Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow
  • You think everyone from the city has an accent
  • You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown with only 8 buttons.
  • You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car
  • At least twice a year your kitchen doubles as a food processing plant
  • Most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun
  • You get your snowblower stuck on the roof
  • You think the start of deer season is a national holiday ( well isn't it?)
  • You frequently clean the grease off your barbecue to keep the bears from prowling on your deck
  • You know which leaves make good toilet paper
  • You have kept food cold by putting on the back porch
  • The mayor greets you on the street by your first name
  • There is only one shopping plaza in town
  • You find -20F a little chilly
  • The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze
  • You attend a formal event in your best clothes and finest jewelry and snowmobile boots
  • You play road hockey on skates.
  • Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
  • You know the 4 seasons-almost winter, winter, still winter and construction
  • The town buys a zamboni before a bus
  • You actually get these jokes and forward them to your Upstate NY friends.

Submitted by Jean, Spokane, Wa.

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You Might Be From A Small Town If ...
  • You can name everyone you graduated with.
  • You know what 4-H is.
  • You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road
  • You used to drag "main."
  • You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour.
  • You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't-same with the game warden.
  • You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.
  • School gets canceled for state events.
  • You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough they'd tell your parents anyhow).
  • When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
  • You were ever in the Homecoming parade.
  • You have ever gone home for Homecoming.
  • It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.
  • You had senior skip day.
  • The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
  • You don't give directions by street names or directions by references.
  •  The cc golf course had only 9 holes.
  • You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend.
  • Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
  • You think kids that ride skateboards are weird.
  • The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty", but is actually just like your town.
  • Getting paid minimum wage is considered a raise.
  • You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people".
  • The people in the city dress funny, then you pick-up on the trend two years later.
  • You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.
  • Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store.
  • You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.
  • Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
  • Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference.
  • The city council meets at the coffee shop.
  • Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday.
  • You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.
  • Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.
  • Even the ugly people enter beauty contest.
  • You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.
  • Your teachers call you by your older siblings names.
  • Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
  • You can charge at all the local stores.
  • The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away.
  • So is the closest mall.
  • It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.
  • You laugh out loud reading this because you know they're all true and forward it to everyone who lives in your town! (because you know them all!)

Submitted by Jack, of Emmitsburg, Maryland

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