My Little Sister's Jokes > List of Jokes About Sports > Set: 4 | 5

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In 1923, Who Was...?
  1. President of the largest steel company?
  2. President of the largest gas company?
  3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
  4. Greatest wheat speculator?
  5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
  6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.

Now, 82 years later, history tells us what ultimately became of them.

The Answers:

  1. The president of the largest steel company. Charles Schwab, died a pauper.
  2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane.
  3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home
  4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
  5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, shot himself.
  6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide.

However, in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.

So, what became of him?

He played golf until he was 92, and died in 1999 at the ripe old age of 95! He was *very* financially secure at the time of his death.

The moral here:  Forget work.  Play golf!

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James addressed the ball and took a magnificent swing...

... but something went wrong and a horrible slice resulted. The ball went onto the adjoining fairway and hit a man full force. He dropped like a ton of bricks!

James and his partner ran up to the stricken victim who lay, quite unconscious, with the ball between his feet.

"Good heavens!" exclaimed James. "What should I do?"

"Don't move him!" cautioned his partner. "If we leave him here he becomes an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball as it lies or drop it two club lengths away."

Submitted by Ray, King of Prussia, Pa.

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Golf Meditations
  • If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
  • Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
  • No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
  • When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
  • A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck.
  • Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
  • You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
  • Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health...

... and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "He's probably a high school basketball coach"

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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A fellow was getting ready to tee off on the first hole...

... when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first fellow said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, and while counting his $80.00, the second guy confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro got all flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them for free...."

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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Baseball Jokes
  • There once was a pitcher so bad, the crowd started singing Take Him Out of The Ball Game!
  • Billy Martin once had four doubles in a game, but then he ran out of liquor!
  • One official made so many bad calls, he was nicknamed, "The Dumpire."
  • Will Pete Rose get into the Hall of Fame? Well, maybe the Gambler's Hall of Fame or the Liar's Hall of Fame!
  • When the Red Sox traded Babe Ruth, they thought that that would make them a tougher team since then, they were Ruthless!
  • One batter specialized in hit-and-run plays. His problem was that he used his car!
  • I used to collect bats, but I got rid of them when they started biting!
  • One pitcher, Joe Niekro, was called the Little Shaver. That wasn't because he was short, but because of what he did to the balls!
  • Another player led his team in steals before he got nabbed for burglary.
  • Some pitchers are so rich that they have their own personal ball scratchers!
  • Did you hear about the new major league policy on drugs? Just say yes!
  • One player had many runs, but they were all to the bathroom!
  • One guy had so many spitballs that they called him the Pitcher of Water.
  • You know that your color commentator is inexperienced when he says things like, "Green is a pretty color, but some people also like Red, and Blue is very nice, too..."
  • One hit struck a chicken. Now that was a real "fowl ball!"
  • One player was so dumb, he just couldn't get to third base because of the short stop on the way there!
  • Once, when Bush was president, he went to a game and they asked him if he wanted to throw out the First Pitch. He agreed and tossed Laura out onto the field!
  • Least favorite ballpark treat - Darryl Strawberry-favored Coke!

Submitted by David, Fort Wayne, IN

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Bill was having a really bad day on the golf course.

Right around the 14th hole, it seems he had missed one putt too many. He let loose with a fairly impressive string of profanities, grabbed his putter, and stormed off toward the lake by the 15th tee.

"Uh-oh," said his caddie to one of his playing partners, "There goes that club."

"You think so?" said his partner. "I've got five bucks says he misses the water!"

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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Playing golf with his buddies, George had to make a slick 25-foot putt

As he lined it up, he announced, "I have a dollar bill that says I can make this putt. Does anyone want to bet?"

His three friends eagerly agreed to the wager. Too bad, George missed the putt by ten feet, and his friends gathered around to collect their money.

George pulled out a dollar bill on which he had written, 'I can make this putt.'

His pals are still trying to collect on the bet...and George is too

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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Butler basketball team under investigation

-Butler's run in the NCAA Men's Basketball National Championship Game may be tarnished after reports surfaced today that all 13 players on the roster are being given good educations in an effort to help them find good jobs after they leave the school. "It's important to remember that right now these are only allegations -- allegations that we are looking into," said NCAA president James Isch.

"But, obviously, if true, this would be very disappointing. The NCAA has certain expectations and standards. It's not fair for players at one school to be given good educations while athletes at other member schools receive basic, remedial instruction that is worth essentially nothing." According to documents seized from the school's registrar's office, Butler players have received an education worth $38,616 per year totaling more than $150,000 over a four-year career.

Compare that to player at a school like Kentucky , where tuition is set at $4,051 -- but with an actual value far below that. "We don't want to say too much until these reports are confirmed," said Kentucky head basketball coach John Calipari. "But we're talking about almost $140,000 difference in education per player -- and that's even if my players stayed four years or graduated, which many of them do not. Then these Butler players are reportedly stepping into good jobs after graduation while my kids, if they don't make the NBA, have absolutely no job prospects or life skills. It's far from a balanced playing field. They are buying the best players by giving them a high-priced education."

In addition to the allegations that they were given an expensive education, many Butler players have been spotted around campus holding books, studying and engaging in interesting conversations. Others have been seen with people who are known to not be tutors. Butler point guard and Kentucky native Ronald Nored, who is reportedly a secondary education major, denied allegations that the Bulldog program is cheating. "The discourse on this matter is fatuous and inane," he said, implicating the program further.

Submitted by Paul, Oklahoma City, OK

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