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Lottery Winning Numbers

Florida Lottery Commission
State Capitol Building
Tallahassee, FL

Dear Sirs:

On Friday, November 3, 2000, I picked the numbers 7-38-18-41-3-30. Saturday night when the numbers were announced I found that the numbers I picked were selected, however when I checked my lottery ticket I found that I must have marked the wrong numbers by mistake because my lottery ticket indicated the wrong numbers. The card that I marked to be read by the computer is hard to read and it is easy to mark the wrong column.

I know that you will honor my request that I will be considered the winner because I selected the right number and just made a small mistake.

If you won't pay me for intending to mark the winning numbers, I want to have you to declare a recount of the Nov 4th Lottery and allow me to select the numbers that came up on the 4th.


Shirley Lotz
West Palm Beach, Florida


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2000 Election Controversy set rhyme.

In olden times, it could be decades before major events were cast in verse. But The Great 2000 Election Controversy is so big that a bunch of all-star poets have come out of retirement to quickly set the story to rhyme.

For starters, history buff Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:

Listen, my children, don't dare ignore,
The midnight actions of Bush and Gore
In early November, the year ought-ought,
Hard to believe the mess they wrought.
Two billion bucks of campaign bounty
All came down to Palm Beach County.
What result could have been horrider
Than the situation we found in Florider?

Edgar Allan Poe is his usual gloomy self:

Once upon a campaign dreary, one which left us weak and weary
O'er many a quaint and curious promise of political lore
While we nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a yapping,
As of some votes overlapping, energy-zapping to the core
"'Tis a mess here," we all muttered, as the network anchors stuttered,
Stuttered over Bush and Gore.
Could there be another election with such a case of misdirection,
One with such a weak selection, yet fraught with tension to the core?
Quoth the ravers, "Nevermore."

Britain's Edward Lear's limerick is lighter:

There once was a U.S. election
That called for some expert detection -
How thousands of pollers
Could become two-holers
Like outhouses of recollection.

Ditto Ogden Nash:

I regret to admit that all my knowledge
Is what I learned at Electoral Colleges,
So tell me please, though I hate to troubya,
Will the winner be Al, or will it be Dubya?

Joyce Kilmer's a media analyst:

I thought that I would never see
The networks all so up a tree.

Walt Whitman is lyrical, as always:

O'Captain! My Captain!
Our fearful trip's not done
The ship has weather'd every rack,
But nobody knows who's won.

Alfred Noyes rhythmically rumbles:

And still of an autumn night they say, with the White House on the line,
When the campaign's a ghostly galleon and both candidates cry "Tis mine!"
When the road is a ribbon of ballots, all within easy reach,
A highwayman comes riding, riding, riding,
A highwayman comes riding, and punches two holes in each.

Dr. Seuss takes a look at election officials:

I cannot count them in a box
I cannot count them with a fox
I cannot count them by computer
I will not with a Roto-Rooter
I cannot count them card-by-card
I will not 'cause it's way too hard
I cannot count them on my fingers
I will not while suspicion lingers.
I'll leave the country in a jam -
I can't count ballots, Sam-I-Am.

"Clement Moore" adopts a holiday theme:

'Twas the month before Christmas, when all through the courts, 
All the plaintiffs made stirring bad ballot reports.

Which leaves the problem.

Perhaps the best way to stop complaints that are so raucous is to start over again, with the Iowa caucuses!

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New Slogans for Florida

FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.
FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.
FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.
FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, ReVote.
FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again!
FLORIDA: What comes after 17, 311?
FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.
FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away from us.
FLORIDA: We don't just cheat in football.
FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!
PALM BEACH COUNTY: So nice, we let you vote twice.
PALM BEACH COUNTY: We put the "duh" in Florida.
Sign on I-95 : Florida this way, no that way, 5 miles, wait 10 miles.

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Serbian president Vojislav Kostunica deployed more than 30,000 peacekeeping troops to the U.S. Monday, pledging full support to the troubled North American nation as it struggles to establish democracy.

"We must do all we can to support free elections in America and allow democracy to gain a foothold there," Kostunica said. "The U.S. is a major player in the Western Hemisphere and its continued stability is vital to Serbian interests in that region."

Kostunica urged Al Gore, the U.S. opposition-party leader who is refusing to recognize the nation's Nov. 7 election results, to "let the democratic process take its course." "Mr. Gore needs to acknowledge the will of the people and concede that he has lost this election," Kostunica said. "Until America's political figures learn to respect the institutions that have been put in place, the nation will never be a true democracy."

Serbian forces have been stationed throughout the U.S., with an emphasis on certain trouble zones. Among them are Oregon, Florida, and eastern Tennessee, where Gore set up headquarters in Bush territory. An additional 10,000 troops are expected to arrive in the capital city of Washington, D.C. by Friday.

Though Kostunica has pledged to work with U.S. leaders, he did not rule out the possibility of economic sanctions if the crisis is not resolved soon. "For democracy to take root and flourish, it must be planted in the rich soil of liberty. And the cornerstone of liberty is elections free of tampering or corruption," Kostunica said. "Should America prove itself incapable of learning this lesson on its own, the international community may be forced to take stronger measures."

Submitted by Bryan, Idaho Fall, Id.

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The Palm Beach Pokey

You put your stylus in,
You put your stylus out,
You put your stylus in,
And you punch Buchanan out.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!

You put the Gore votes in,
You put the Bush votes out,
You put the Gore votes in,
And you do another count.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!

You bring your lawyers in,
You drag the whole thing out,
You bring your lawyers in,
And you put it all in doubt.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!

You let your doctors spin,
You let the pundits spout,
You let your retirees sue,
And your people whine and pout.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!

Submitted by Fred, Gambier, Ohio

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VP Gore is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy . . .

. . . on the corner with a box. Curious he runs over to the child and says, "What's in the box kid?"

To which the little boy says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens."

Al Gore laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?"

"Democrats," the child says.

"Oh that's cute," Al says and he runs off.

A couple of days later Al is running with his buddy Bill Clinton and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead. Al says to Bill, "You gotta check this out" and they both jog over to the boy with the box.

Al says, "Look in the box Bill, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Bill what kind of kittens they are."

The boy replies, "They're Republicans."

"Whoa!", Al says, "I came by here the other day and you said they were Democrats. What's up?"

"Well," the kid says, "Their eyes are open now."

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Al Gore thought it would be a good idea . . .

. . . if he could get a better feel for the top job by leaving the VP's residence and spending the remaining nights of the campaign as Mr. Clinton's special guest at the White House. Mr. Gore was directed as all guests are, to the Lincoln Bedroom.

On the first night he was awakened by George Washington's ghost.... "George...what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Gore asked.

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised Washington.

With all the excitement, Gore couldn't sleep well and the next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Gore asked.

"Cut taxes and reduce the size of the government," advised Jefferson. 

Gore still couldn't sleep well and the next night he saw another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?", Gore asked.

Abe replied, "Go to the theater!"

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A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing . . .

. . . He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?

The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks.

"Ribbit 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas."

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.

You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.

So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."

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Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton  . . .

. . . on a recent airplane flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.

The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked Mr. Falwell if he too would like a drink.

The Reverend Mr. Falwell replied in disgust, "Madam, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch my lips!"

Hearing that, the President handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize there was a choice. I'll have what he's having."

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Clinton mortgage application

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Clinton. So you want to buy the old Rye Brook place, that's 2.2 million, and with the customary 20 percent down, that's $440,000, leaving a mortgage of $1,760,000. Now let's have a look at your financial statements.

Let's see, Mr. Clinton, you are the president of the United States, of course, and your salary is $200,000 a year. We recommend buying a house that costs no more than two and a half times your annual salary. That means you should be looking for something around $500,000, perhaps a nice brick rancher?

And I see here that you'll be out of a job in 16 months or so. What will you do then? Open a library? In Little Rock? Arkansas? Wow. I bet that will be some kind of moneymaker.

Mrs. Clinton, you're running for Senate, right? Senators are paid $130,000 year-assuming, of course, she's elected, so even with your pension you're still looking at a house in the $825,000 range. Maybe a nice center hall colonial.

Mrs. Clinton, you haven't worked outside the house since 1991? But you did some volunteer work, I see. You tried to overhaul the entire national health care system? I see. But no one was interested? But you have other experience? I see you had several business ventures back in Arkansas. How about this Whitewater Development
Corp.? It went bankrupt. And Madison Guaranty? Bankrupt. And Castle Grande? Bankrupt, too. You actually did go to Yale you claim? A little bad luck with the law, too, I see. Three of your business partners went to jail.

This is embarrassing, I know, but we have to ask because it does, after all, affect your ability to pay. Any problems in your marriage? No? Fine.

Let's look at your assets: you owe $4.5 million Mr. Clinton? How do you expect to pay that off? You're hoping people will donate to a special fund? So basically you're relying on the kindness of strangers.

You also have some serious expenses. A kid at Stanford has got to be setting you back $30,000 to $35,000 a year, probably more with the air fares. And she wants to go to medical school?

Any legal problems? I see a $90,000 fine for perjury. I guess that rules out putting your law degree to work. Say, how do we know you're not lying on you loan application? Of course it would look a lot better if you WERE lying.

Are there any other legal matters we should know about? Mrs. Clinton? You don't think she's going to get hit with a perjury or obstruction of justice rap. But we're not totally sure, right? That means there's a remote possibility-note that I say "remote" that you could be trying to pay off a $1.76 million mortgage while making 12 cents an hour stitching mailbags for the feds, and while Mr. Clinton is trying to make a go of a library in Little Rock.

Let's review the situation. One of you is now unemployed and the other one soon will be. Your business partners are in jail. You have debts equivalent to over 22 times your annual income that you're hoping someone is going to come along and pay. And a looming criminal indictment. Your tangible assets seem to consist of an old Ford.

We’ll give you a call

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.

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First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno . . .

. . . were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his."

Janet responded. "Just because I am considered ugly, doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."

Hillary asks, "Well how do you deal with the problem?"

Janet: "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest, fart I can."

Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary headed for bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.

Bill rolls over and says, "Is that you Janet?"

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Here's something everyone should probably know:

You may remember that on July 2, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with four aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is an incident, of course, that many say has been covered up by the government.

However, you may not know that on March 31,1948, exactly nine months after that day, Al Gore was born.

Now, that clears up a lot of things.  

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