. . .at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, "So, Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

Submitted by Dave, Emmitsburg, Md.
 

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• In Sunday School they told us what you do. Who does it when you are on vacation?
• How did you know you were God?
• I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Allison
• On Halloween I am going to wear a Devil's costume, is that all right with you?
• Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
• Is it true my father won't get into Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
• Did you mean for giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
• Who draws the lines around the countries?
• Do animals get to use you too or is there someone else for them?
• I went to this wedding and they kissed right in the church ... is that okay?
• I like the Lords Prayer the best of all. Did you have to write it a lot or did you get it
  right the first time? I have to write everything I ever write over again.
• God, it's okay that you made different religions but don't you get mixed up sometimes?
• Did they really talk that fancy in Bible times?
• I would like to know why all the things you said are in red?
• Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours or do you just know him through the business?
• Did you really mean do unto others as they do unto you, because if you did then I'm
  going to fix my brother.
• My grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back DO you go?
• I know all about where babies come from. I think. From inside mommies and daddies
  put them there. Where are they before that? Do you have them in Heaven? How do they
  get down here? Do you have to take care of them all first? Please answer all my
  questions...I always think of you. Yours Truly, Susan
• Thank you for the baby brother but what I prayed for was a puppy.
• Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.
• Why is Sunday School on Sunday? I thought it was suppose to be our day of rest.
• I wish h you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had 3 stitches and a shot.
• If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton, because I hate
  her. Thank You. Love, Denise
• Please send Dennis Clark to a different camp this year.
• Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
• I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.
• I keep waiting for Spring but it never comes yet. Please don't forget.
• I think the stapler is on of your greatest inventions.
• I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
• Of all the people who work for you, I like Peter and John the best.
• My brother told me about being born but it sure doesn't sound right.
• If you watch in church on Sunday, I will show you my new shoes.
• I would like to live for 900 years like the guy in the bible.
• We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said you did it. So, I bethe stole your idea.
• If you would of let the dinosaur not extinct we would not have a country...I think you did
  the right thing.
• It is great the way you always get the stars in the Right places.

Submitted by Kevin, Dallas. Tx.
  

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• Glenda, 3, was watching her mother put on face cream. "Why are you putting that on your face, Mama?" she asked. "It's supposed to make me beautiful," her mother said. "Well," Glenda blurted out, "they lied!"
• A mother was bemoaning the fact that she had found some gray hairs. "Don't worry, Mom," her little girl said, "lots of old ladies wear their hair gray!"
• Lynsi told her grandmother, "You smell so good! Is that Oil of Old Lady?"
• Riley, 3, received some clothes from his grandparents for Christmas. A week later he wore one of his new shirts to nursery school. His teacher asked him if he had received a new shirt. "Yeah, Grandma gave it to me," Riley said. "I think it got too small for her!"
• A first grader told his teacher his mother "fixes good food, takes us places and helps us... and she's the favorite wife of my dad!"
• "I love you to pieces," a mother told her 2-year-old. "I love you together!" the 2-year-old said.
• When his grandmother visited, 2-year-old Kevin saw that she would cater to his every whim. His mother commented that his grandmother was "a real pushover." The next morning when Kevin's mother asked him what he wanted to do that day he said, "Well, let's go downstairs and push over Grandma!"
• Tim, 3, loved chocolate milk. The first time he saw his mother breastfeed his newborn sister he asked, "Is it chocolate or white?"
• Hailey, 3, told her mother they would know when the cookies are done "when the smoke alarm goes off!"
• "Mom," a little boy said forcefully, "when our friends are here you're all nicey-nice. The minute they leave you yell your head off!"
• Glenn, 5, was talking to a visitor in their home. When asked, "Where did you get those pretty blue eyes?" Glenn thought for a moment and replied, "God gave them to me and Mama put them in!"
• A fourth grader was told to write about her Christmas memories. Her essay told about each member of the family and what he or she received from Santa. The last sentence was: "My mom got nothing as usual."

Submitted by Dave, Broomfield, Co.
 

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• Better to be safe than...........................................Punch a 5th grader
• Strike while the ...................................................Bug is close
• Never underestimate the power of...........................Termites
• You can lead a horse to water but...........................how?
• No news is...........................................................impossible
• A miss is as good as a............................................Mr.
• You can't teach an old dog new...............................Math
• If you lie down with dogs, you'll...............................stink in the morning
• Love all, trust.......................................................me
• The pen is mightier than the....................................pigs
• An idle mind is......................................................The best way to relax
• Where there's smoke there's....................................pollution
• Happy the bride who..............................................gets all the presents
• A penny saved is...................................................not much
• Two's company, three's..........................................the Musketeers
• Don't put off till tomorrow what...............................you put on to go to bed
• Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and....you have to blow your nose
•  None are so blind as.............................................Stevie Wonder
• Children should be seen and not..............................spanked or grounded
• If at first you don't succeed...................................get new batteries
• You get out of something what you.........................see pictured on the box
• When the blind lead the blind..................................get out of the way
  
   And my personal favorite...
   
•  Better late than..................................................pregnant

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.
 

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• "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
• When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."
• "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
• "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
• "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
• "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
• "The body consists of three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five: a, e, i, o and u."
• "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
• "Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky."
• "Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot."
• "Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
• "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
• "For a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops."
• "For Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."
• "For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."
• "For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
• "For headcold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."
• "To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."
• "The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."
• "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
• "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
• "The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
• "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
• "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
• "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

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• Dear God: 
  I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw` the sunset you made on Tuesday.  That was cool!
  Eugene
   
• Dear God:
  Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
  Norma
   
• Dear God:
  Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones. why don't you just keep the ones you have now?
  Jane
   
• Dear God:
  Who draws the lines around the countries?
  Nan
   
• Dear God:
  I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
  Neil 
   
• Dear God:
  Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
  Joyce
    
• Dear God:
  It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that we are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. 
  Your friend 
  (but I am not going to tell you who I am)
   
• Dear God:
  Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, you can look it up.
  Bruce
   
• Dear God:
  I want to be just like daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.
  Sam
   
• Dear God:
  I think about you sometimes, even when I'm not praying.
  Elliott
   
• Dear God:
  I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world.  There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.
  Dan
   
• Dear God:
  Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best.
  Rob
    
• Dear God:
  My brothers told me about being born, but it doesn't sound right.  They are just kidding, aren't they?
  Marsha
   
• Dear God:
  If you watch me in church Sunday, I'll show you my new shoes.
  Mickey
   
• Dear God:
  We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea.
  Sincerely, Donna
   
• Dear God:
  I do not think anybody could be a better God. And, I'm not just saying this because you are God already.
  Charles
   
• Dear God:
  Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
  Larry

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