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The following are new Windows messages that were under consideration for Windows Vista:
- Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
- Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
- Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
- Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
- This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
- Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
- This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
- To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"
- BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
- COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
- File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
- Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
- Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
- WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
- User Error: Replace user.
- Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
- Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co.
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| George W. Bush, Vladimir Putin, and Bill Gates were called in by God.
God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth
in three days.
They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses, and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not"
changing his mind.
So, W. went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news . . . there is a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."
Putin went back and told his staff, "I have bad news and more bad news. The first was . . . there is a God. The second was that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."
Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First . . . God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the world. Second . . . you don't have to fix
the bugs in Windows Vista."
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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| I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door...
..., whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?'
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.
'I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that ..... In case I need to fix it again?'
Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'
'No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like Eric...
Submitted by Cindy, Emmitsburg, MD.
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| We are concerned about your internet addiction.
At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help.
Yes, you--we're talking to you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been
outside? Know what day of the week it is? Have you checked downstairs to see if your family still lives with you?
We're a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counseling through weekly (off-line) meetings designed to help you cope with
your problem.
We feature a twelve-step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never "cured," you most certainly can
recover.
We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are an addict. Do you:
- Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal?
- Check e-mail more than five times a day?
- Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping?
- Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online?
- Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope you'll receive a reply one day from a company you'll never do business with anyway?
- Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions?
- Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head?
- Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you'd usually be griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome?
- See smoke arising from your computer or WebTV box?
- All of the above?
If you answered yes to four or more questions (or chose #10), you have a problem. Please call us at Internetaholics Anonymous at:
1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORPETE'SSAKE
We're here, we're free, and we're confidential. The first step to recovery is admission that you have a problem.
Call us today. That is, if you can power off to free up your phone line.
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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What Computer Acronyms Really Mean
- ISDN = It Still Does Nothing
- APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
- IBM = I Blame Microsoft
- DEC = Do Expect Cuts
- CA = Constant Acquisitions
- CD-ROM = Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
- OS/2 = Obsolete Soon, Too.
- SCSI = System Can't See It
- DOS = Defunct Operating System
- BASIC = Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
- WWW = World Wide Wait
- MACINTOSH = Most Applications Crash; If Not, The OS Hangs
Submitted by John, Waynesboro, Pa.
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