• It doesn't take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go outside in the winter.
• Dogs cannot lie.
• Dogs never resist nap time.
• You don't need to get extra phone lines for a dog.
• Dogs don't pester you about getting a kid.
• Dogs don't care if the peas have been touched by the mashed potatoes.
• Dogs are housebroken by the time they are 12 weeks old.
• Your dog is not embarrassed if you sing in public.
• Average cost of sending a dog to school: $42
• Average cost of sending a kid: $103,000

• Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
• Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.
• Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.
• Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
• Cats know what we feel. They don't care, but they know.
• Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.
• Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
• Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
• I had to get rid of my Husband. The cat was allergic!

A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. Earth was no better for them than it was the cat.

They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them roller skates.

• It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia.
• Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law.
• In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits.
• In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts.
• In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours.
• In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset.
• In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday.
• In Arizona, the bullfrog hunting season is permanently closed.
• In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman.
• French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th.
• Madison, Wisconsin, will not allow joint custody of a family pet when a couple divorces the animal is legally awarded to whoever happens to have possession of it at the time of the initial separation.
• Dogs in Foxpoint, Wisconsin, may not bark profusely, snarl, or make any menacing gestures.
• In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.
• It is illegal to ride a mule down Lang, Kansas' Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat.
• Over in Berea, Kentucky and also in Willamantic, Connecticut, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a "bright" red taillight securely attached to its rump.
• Horses may not wear cowbells inside the city limits of Tahoe City, California.
• In Washington, though, every cow wandering the streets of Seattle must be wearing a cowbell.
• In Burns, Oregon, horses are allowed in the town's taverns, if an admission fee is paid before they enter. 
• You can't blow your nose in public places in Leahy, Washington, because it might scare a horse and cause it to panic.
• In Wanassa, New Jersey, a dog is breaking the law if it is heard to be "crying."