Settling into me dotage

Jack Deatherage

(8/2021) 'Creme de Cassis' hollyhocks somehow- "No. Not somehow. I know exactly how."

Some idiot- "No. Not some idiot. Twas the Village Idiot what wrote the plant name on a piece of paper - thinking for the umpteenth year in a row that he'd still be able to read the print after the paper being constantly watered and sun bleached come planting out time."

Okay. (eye roll) The hollyhock seedlings ended up being mistaken for Mexican Gherkins and got planted in cloth buckets with the okra. So far, both are doing well enough, though I suspect they'd do much better in buckets of they's own. Still, I work within the space I have and the buckets have been moved about the Church of the Falling Rain so's to take advantage of what sunlight falls on that part of the planet.

As usual, my grandiose garden plans went sideways before the DW and I filled the last of the cloth buckets with potting soil. I ended up driving back and forth between Countryside Gardens- east of Gettysburg, and Emmitsburg Landscape & Garden Supply - behind the old Zurgables hardware store for potting soils. Three different types of potting soil - all seemingly doing what I need them to, though the last one is holding water better than I expected. I think that type has water-holding crystals or some such stuff mixed in with whatever else was in the bag. (The lot of them will end the year dumped in one of the emptied stock tanks and will be mixed for next year's projects.)

We positioned the Church of the Falling Rain in the largest chunk of daylight we could find in the yard and began to arrange the buckets before the trees were fully leafed out. Solidly in place, I began to overcrowd the chain-link walls with tomato plants that are likely to top the 6' high panels, and pole beans: lima, runner and yardlong, and squash, cantaloupe and watermelon. The latter three have sprawled across the old carpet that serves as weed suppression inside the Church, through the panels, into the yard beyond, while also managing to climb the panels and even set fruit - 3' above the bucket! A watermelon that can potentially reach 25 pounds will need a sling to support it long before that!

Standing in the dog room doorway, I struggle to recall what the yard looked like the first summer I had to mow it. I fail. It's been 33 years and every square foot of yard soil has been churned and planted since that day. Dozens of crocuses, tulips, daffodils, Dutch and English irises, hundreds of lilies- Asiatic and trumpet! Disappearing lilies, Virginia bluebells, dozens of daylilies, bee balms, hollyhocks, foxglove, monkshood, columbines, poppies, butterfly bush, clematis, morning glory, English climbing roses, bleeding hearts and gladiolus are a few that come easily to mind. Some struggle still in our lackadaisical care. Well, my lackadaisical care. The DW still tries to stay ahead of the weeds, though that would require a flamethrower and tanker of herbicide at this point.

Trees have sprung up, only one of which I planted - an invasive Paulownia tomentosa- that occupies the center (more or less) of the yard and commands what we can grow most everywhere else. I can almost remember the various flowerbeds and vegetable patches that once grew productively in what is now shaded, or ruined by the tree's sprawling root system. (A word of caution to those thinking of planting any tree - there's this thing called the Internet. Use it to do some research before you end up paying someone hundreds of dollars to remove a tree you shouldn't have planted!)

As bad as the Paulownia is, Ailanthus altissima (which actually has commercial uses- in China), Morus nigra (black mulberry) and some overly weedy version of an Acer cultivar have managed to compete with it in casting shade and dropping billions of seeds that need constant control to keep the yard weed-tree free! The Juglans nigra at the bottom of the yard only throws shade and juglone where I don't want either. All the trees have to go so I can focus on my tomato experiments, reestablish masses of lilies, build at least one 100 sq/ft of garlic bed and continue trialing various vegetables and flowers that catch my eye in passing.

The dog run wire fence will come down and a single heavy wire will run from post top to post top helping to create a line for trialing various pole, runner and yard-long beans. We might even plant a table grape or two! Hell, I might even try replanting, and espaliering the crab apple trees the DW's dog chewed up when they were newly planted saplings a coupla decades ago. Oh. I'll need a coupla more clothesline poles planted as well. I'm enjoying the domestic task of drying clothes on a line. Saves on the cost of running the dryer- as well as having it repaired. (Said savings could go into the garden?)

The DW casts a raised eyebrow glance at me as I expound on my plan to renew the yarden. At least old Balor remains asleep. She must finally be coming to terms with what she married 30 years ago this month? Or perhaps senility is more advanced in her than me? (We're doomed if that's the case!) More likely, hopefully, she knows I'll have forgotten most of my current plan before the trees are felled and chipped into future lily bed mulch.

It must niggle at her, the knowledge that something new will distract me from the plan and I'll go off on some unexpected, expensive, adventure! Maybe roses? We've talked of a rose garden. Clearing out the trees would create a sunny place for roses. Climbing roses, cabbage roses, fragrant roses, shrubs, pillars and dog roses! I've also talked of growing several cultivars of tobacco, and hops, and heirloom wheat, barley and spelt varieties. Or installing a water garden! Or some version of a fish tank that hooks to a hydroponic design I could conjure from what little I've read about such things?

Or maybe I'll have a window of clarity and I'll manage to stay focused on growing tomatoes and cucumbers for the tattooer, and play at growing peppers for myself? Might have to grow some poppies or hemp to deal with the increasing pain that's beginning to rule both my knees, though I'm told there are legal plants growing in the yard that would take my mind off the pain by sending my thoughts to some other world?

The gods are rolling about, tears of laughter falling from their cloud hidden faces. Yes, the thunder and rain we've had of late is because of my "plans". Just wait until I fully commit to whatever plan I end up with for next year! I'm betting the four horsemen of the Apocalypse come storming through this place to trample my yarden while I'm dancing (hobbling) nekked in the Church of the Falling Rain trying to call down some rain 'cause I'm tired of carrying water to the non-weed plants.

Friggin' weeds grow no matter what.